2013, 2014, 2012 and This Above Guy
It’s the end of October. I skipped Austin 70.3 this past weekend because my body needs to stop. Some of my friends still have big races left. I am done. I don’t have a ton to say about 2013 except that it happened. At some point before the season, when I was looking forward to my schedule, I think I laughed out loud, thinking it would be such a con to pull off the season I was attempting to pull off. Abu Dhabi to IM Switz…doubles at Oceanside and Galveston, then Honu and Boise. St. George, Vineman, Vegas, Kona. And it was incredible…performances aside, everything I dreamed. I think my getting hurt was the result of a literal coin flip. I landed on the wrong side. But also, it wasn’t the wrong side. I got exactly what I needed - a massive, big stage heartbreak. I got it good. It took me and fucking shook me.
October has been nice. Been thinking about a lot of things. Mostly, been thinking about what I felt at the end of every race of 2013, without fault, “This isn’t right. I am better than this.” I wrote a tough letter this week that essentially makes me ‘uncoached’ aside from my man G and Tower 26 moving forward - tough to say because I felt like I didn’t live up to my end of a personal agreement made when coaching began after Vineman 2012 - that pairing someone else’s expertise with my fire would yield great results. The HE I am referring to is absolutely an expert - and I want to make clear how strongly I would refer anyone to the program I was on. But I cannot refer myself any longer. Something I’ve always known but hoped to grow out of in 2013 — comfort dims me. I think I got comfortable. I think I thought things would happen on their own - not how it works. Not with me. I need bricks on my back, and I need them scraping my skin everywhere I go. When people see them and ask why, I say “Because I’m going to be better than I’ve ever been. Unrecognizable.” That’s coming…
I came across this Above Guy earlier in the week. These pics were taken from my first race of 2012, in Panama. I admire this guy so much. He flew to Panama thinking he was going to win. At that point, he had no right to think the things he did…but fuck everyone, he thought it anyway. On the bike, he ripped a tire with a mile to go. The skewer bent when the wheel came off. He had to run the bike in for a mile, then run through the longest transition in triathlon, carrying his shoes, tearing his soggy feet, holding an insert in his mouth he probably had already pissed on. He lost a lot of time but didn’t think anything of it, and went out for the first 3 miles at 5:52 per on the run. It was 93 degrees. He had recently set a PR running a 1:20 open half after never having a history of coming even close to that, and thought it was totally fair to think he could go under 1:20 in a 70.3, in Panama, a month later. Obviously, he learned some things that day, but not too much. When he showed up at Oceanside 70.3 a month later, certain again he would go under 1:20, he ran a 1:24. I miss this guy. At some point over the last year, things became less about heart and more about walking a line. That’s a problem. I hate lines. I hate them so much. No more.
A couple things will happen in the near future. The first, or eventually - I will introduce you to my new, ‘Coach.’ You’ll be able to ask him questions regarding your training/what moves you as long as you have no expectations about him being a) an authority, or correct, or b) able to speak English. Also, I get a lot of questions about weight/diet. I’m starting an off-chute blog about CHANGING a body type because I can’t race at 205 anymore and not wonder what could have been. I’m also going to post uber-often. If that’s the kind of thing that appeals to you, then maybe it will become a sort of interactive thing - that’s the plan…and it’s also going to have a semi-dirty, somewhat Hollywood angle to keep everything interesting. I work with a food doc, so the process will be tough, but looked after. Even if this entire post is about going back to cowboy roots, the body re-wire will be grounded by the pursuit of absolute, smart, optimal well-being. That’s what I care most about.